I Love My Mother

First, I'm happy to announce that Pan is back from her trip to Boston and Florida, so my life is a little more interesting now. I'll be a happy camper until the end of the month, when BJ leaves for Texas. But that's irrelevent-- I need to talk about my mom.

I respect my mother for many things: she's a good cook, she's a single mom, etc. But the one thing I've never put any faith in is her politics. I mean, in 2000 she supported Gore. Not because she agreed with him on the issues, but because "he's cuter than Bush." Now, in the midst of election season, she is anti-Obama.

I guess I should first say that I don't really love Obama. He's okay, and the main reason I support him is that he's not McCain. But my mother's logic baffles me. Her reason for not supporting Obama?

"I don't want to see his face everyday."

I could have taken offense to this; looks certainly aren't my top priority on the list of Qualities That Make a Good President. But instead, I decided to try to understand where she's coming from and figure out how to fix the problem. Here's what I came up with.

Plastic surgery. Not a lot, just a nip here and a tuck there. With a few hours in a hospital, I guarantee you that Obama will gain hordes of supporters.




Or, you know, get him arrested.

I'm pretty sure that my mother's real problem is that Obama's black. So, a simple operation to make him white would gain him the votes of racist pricks everywhere... and lose him the votes of most other people like myself. But whatever.

At least my mom would be happy.

This is why I should be president.

-TS