I Love Debates

Which is why I, as a future president, should take part in them. So, in honor of the VP debate on Thursday, I will answer the questions pose to the VP candidates (as potential president, of course.)

Gwen Ifill: Was the bailout the best or worst of Washington?
TS: Neither. It was a sad attempt to resolve a problem created by Washington in the first place.

GI: How would you, as President, work to shrink the gap of polarization in Washington?
TS: I would first surround myself with both Republicans and Democrats, as the President needs to be kept in check. I would also create bi-partisan sub-committees for -everything-, forcing the parties to work together. Because I do not vote strictly along party lines, I will not expect any other representative to.

GI: Who do you think was at fault for the sub prime lending meltdown?
TS: "Darn right it was the predator lenders!" Just kidding. Each party was at fault. Whether or not lenders deceived citizens, those receiving loans are also to blame. People should take responsibility for their own mistakes and stop blaming Wall Street for everything. Yes, corporations are unmoral greed-monsters, but Americans shouldn't let themselves be coerced into taking stupid risks that they can't afford to pay for.

GI: Taxes?
TS: People who earn more money should pay higher taxes than those who earn less. American society provided the means for the wealthy to become successful, so they should contribute more to it.

GI: What promises have you made that you can't keep?
TS: None, because I haven't made any promises.

GI: Climate change. What's true or false about it?
TS: It's not completely man-made, but the human population is contributing to it. While it is important to develop alternative energy sources, such sources would not produce enough energy for years. I do not support nuclear power or offshore drilling due to the environmental risks and costs of clean-up. Again, the people of the US need to take responsibility and stop whining. Buy a more fuel-efficient car or carpool.

GI:Do you support, as they do in Alaska, granting same-sex benefits to couples?
TS: Yes.

GI: Do you support gay marriage?
TS: Yes. I understand the horrible problem of redefining the term "marriage," which would cause the apocalypse. Much like how our ancestors were cruelly forced to redefine the term "woman" as "a human being with rights" instead of "subservient being." So, to resolve this problem, I suggest calling a union between members of the same sex as "gmarriage." (gah-marriage)

GI: Exit strategy in Iraq?
TS: Um, yes. That would be good. Let's exit. Within two years. Y'know, maybe keep a few troops over there for the next fifty years like in Korea, since that's the environment the Bush administration has created.

GI: What's the greater threat, a nuclear Iran or an unstable Afghanistan?
TS: A nuclear Iran. Because you never said anything about Afghanistan possessing nuclear (NU-clee-ar) weapons, so I'd rather have an unstable unarmed nation than an armed psycho nation.

GI: What should be the trigger if nuclear weaponry is put into play?
TS: I don't know, but it we nuke one enemy we have to nuke them all. So they don't get any ideas. Y'know, if we have to bomb Iran, than we need to take care of Pakistan, North Korea, Russia, and France in the process.

THE END (because everything else I didn't understand)

This is why I should be president.
-TS