Seriously! There’s nothing like waking up on a nice, sunny Saturday morning to the promise of an early- to mid- afternoon abortion! It’s the perfect conclusion to a wonderful week of promiscuity and meaningless sex! And sometimes, in the morning before my weekly abortion, I give BJ a ring to see if she wants to go to. I mean, we’re feminists. What else would we be doing?
Instead of campaigning vigilantly for women’s rights, we spend our Saturday afternoons in the abortion clinic, barely containing our excitement. It’s so hard, you know? Waiting for the doctor to suck the fetus… sorry, I mean ‘baby’… out of you. (Sometimes, I must confess, I get pregnant purely so I can get an abortion! It’s just so much fun!)
Yes, I know that I could easily carry the baby to term,; my family would be super supportive, and my school career would turn out perfectly! But who wants that? Everywhere I go, people try to encourage me not to get abortions-- they throw birth control and contraceptives at me, begging me on Wednesday to PLEASE-FOR-THE-LOVE-OF-GOD-TAKE-THE-MORNING-AFTER-PILL!!! Once, I actually grabbed one of the condoms they threw at me, but I tossed it out, despite the superb comprehensive sex-ed program I was exposed to throughout my high school career educating me on contraceptives and such.
Fortunately, they also exposed me to abortion. And soon after, I found out that it was legal for teenagers to get abortions in my state! That, I must say, was the deciding factor for me. Armed with the knowledge that I could get an abortion, I went on a quest to become pregnant. And I did. Then, after my first abortion (which awed me with its amazingness!), I decided to make it a weekly event.
This is why I should be president.
-TS
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2 comments:
I'm not cracking up with laughter or awarding you with the way you wittingly wrote that. Abortion is the pregnant ladies business. Yes, girls can be stupid, I really don't understand why people don't use the morning after pill more (like in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants). But if you have money then you can do whatever the crap you want to do with it. When it comes to sex and stuff under that category, I'd like to think it as private and your business only. But then I see stupid girls who are look around 14 or something walking outside a hospital with signs saying "keep the baby" or something among the lines of that, it was a year ago I forget what it read. Anyways what do they know about the topic? They're so young and most likely ignorant. I mean if you want to have sex with a animal nobody cares too much about that. So jeez. God, I love that google has spellchecker.
Yeah! It's not like I have to be 18 years old to buy EC or anything! As soon as I started menstruating, the tolerant, understanding clerks at the pharmacy practically threw it at me. And I wasn't harassed or judged in any way; no sir!
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