Showing posts with label amazing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label amazing. Show all posts

Thursday, August 13, 2009

I Love Brad Pitt

Via MSNBC:




Partial Transcript:

"Would you serve?”

“Yeah. I’m running on the gay marriage, no
religion, legalization and taxation of marijuana platform,” he joked.

That comment drew a measured “OK” from Curry.

“I don’t have a
chance,” Pitt predicted.


He's right- he wouldn't stand a chance. Even with my support, he would still lose, because New Orleans is in the south, a strange place where gay marriage, no religion, and marijuana don't exist.

But what does this say about my future campaign? If Brad Pitt can't win New Orleans, can I win America?

Of course! Brad Pitt may be awesome, but he isn't me.

This is why I should be president.
-TS

Sunday, January 4, 2009

I Love Colleges

BJ wrote about her New Year's Resolutions, so I suppose I should write about mine. Here it goes:

1) Cut back on soda. Caffeine withdrawals SUCK!
2) Finish one of my stories (I have less motivation than BJ).
3) Stop biting my nails.

So I kind of cheated and I've already accomplished number 3... and I never said WHEN in 2009 I will accomplish 1 and 2... so I'm good the way I am for a while.

And all of this has to do with college. No, really, it does.

OK, it doesn't. You see, today I officially accepted my offer of admission to the University of Illinois-Urbana-Champaign (engineering major). Why so early? Because --get this!-- I'm also enrolled at St. Louis University right now (in a dual-credit course) until January 7, so... I'm in two colleges at once!

I think it's funny.

This is why I should be president.

-TS

Friday, December 19, 2008

I Hate Twilight Fans

Seriously, anybody who supports a fad which has its own shrine at Barnes and Noble...


...deserves to suffer in the freezing cold...

... while BJ and I are toasty warm inside the theatre. (These pictures are from opening night, when we went with book club to go see the movie... we rented a party room so we got in early! Poor fans... yeah right.)

This is why I should be president.
-TS

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I Love Abortion

Seriously! There’s nothing like waking up on a nice, sunny Saturday morning to the promise of an early- to mid- afternoon abortion! It’s the perfect conclusion to a wonderful week of promiscuity and meaningless sex! And sometimes, in the morning before my weekly abortion, I give BJ a ring to see if she wants to go to. I mean, we’re feminists. What else would we be doing?

Instead of campaigning vigilantly for women’s rights, we spend our Saturday afternoons in the abortion clinic, barely containing our excitement. It’s so hard, you know? Waiting for the doctor to suck the fetus… sorry, I mean ‘baby’… out of you. (Sometimes, I must confess, I get pregnant purely so I can get an abortion! It’s just so much fun!)

Yes, I know that I could easily carry the baby to term,; my family would be super supportive, and my school career would turn out perfectly! But who wants that? Everywhere I go, people try to encourage me not to get abortions-- they throw birth control and contraceptives at me, begging me on Wednesday to PLEASE-FOR-THE-LOVE-OF-GOD-TAKE-THE-MORNING-AFTER-PILL!!! Once, I actually grabbed one of the condoms they threw at me, but I tossed it out, despite the superb comprehensive sex-ed program I was exposed to throughout my high school career educating me on contraceptives and such.

Fortunately, they also exposed me to abortion. And soon after, I found out that it was legal for teenagers to get abortions in my state! That, I must say, was the deciding factor for me. Armed with the knowledge that I could get an abortion, I went on a quest to become pregnant. And I did. Then, after my first abortion (which awed me with its amazingness!), I decided to make it a weekly event.

This is why I should be president.

-TS

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I Hate Heath Ledger!

Why so dead, Ledger? Why so dead? Now the next "Batman" can't possibly measure up.

SPOILERS! (Not that it matters, you've probably already gone to see it)
If you can't guess, this is a review for the phenomenal summer blockbuster "The Dark Knight". Everyone loved it, and I am no exception. Talks of a shitload of Oscars are already buzzing around the grapevine (particularly for Ledger's performance, someone will start a riot if he doesn't at least get nominated). And summer blockbusters are rarely even considered for Oscars! I know that even though the movie came out about 5 days ago, I am seriously behind on reviewing this sucker. By now, literally everyone has seen it. My friend and I went to a small theatre that doesn't get a lot of attention around here and we STILL had to order tickets in advance. I can't imagine how crazy IMAX theatres still are. Many theatres, including the one we went to, added extra showtimes just to make more money on the crazy success. There were talks of 3a.m. showings. 3a.m.!!!

Anyways, back to the review.

All of the male characters had terrific (understatement of the year) actors to bring them to life on the big screen. My personal favorites were Gordon and Harvey. Harvey's makeup after the fire just blew me away, and my friend noticed small details like blood on his pillow. Accidental or no, it's endearing to see minor details like that, and it made the movie that much more endearing.

The whole psychological theme they added in was brilliant, and I almost teared up. Almost. I'm not a total nerd. Many, after actually evaluating the movie saw it as Bruce Wayne going "I don't wanna be Batman anymore! Waaah!!!" Which I don't find true at all, because every character had some kind of trauma to face. Even the Joker was given a more macabre and psychologically conflicting backstory for the movie. The way his stories about the scars contradicted each other showed how humans are able to supress or create "fake" memories at will.

Onto the action. Don't even get me started on the "Bat Pod". When I hit my midlife crisis and buy a motorcycle just like it, I will be the coolest damn 30 year old in the world. It was a bit heavy on CG explosions, but the suspense was absolutely breath-taking and I didn't find myself nitpicking at the CG (which is normally the first thing I notice).

Lastly, my favorite part was the way they mixed in dark humor that managed to horrify us and make us giggle at the same time. So few directors know how to actually use it when it's appropriate, so the jokes are either too malicious or don't come across at all (or both).

I mean the Joker's "pencil trick" managed to rank right above a scene in Hard Candy I couldn't help but laugh at. (A fourteen-year-old informs her would-be pedophile that she's going to castrate his -ahem- and that she was doing a favor to society.) By the way, if you haven't seen Hard Candy, rent it. Oh yeah, and the Joke also puts on a nurses' outfit and we get to see nice hairy man legs.

Every movie, no matter how amazingly amazing, has flaws. The audio wasn't that great and I didn't understand them until about thirty minutes into the movie. However, I blame the theatre. Also Batman's voice was a bit overdone, and could've been toned down. Still, Christian Bale is amazingly amazing and provided some nice 'tainment. Rachel is just kind of there, and doesn't have as much an impact. But it didn't deter from the movie.

10/10-- I've become a walking advertisement. That's a promotion money can't buy.

This is why I should be President.

-BJ

PS- Can't wait to get my hand on the DVD.

PSS- RIP Heath Ledger

PPSS- Was anyone else worried about Ledger? The running joke about him was the whole "Brokeback Mountain" thing and that the Joker would be gay for Batman. He really proved himself. Too bad we can never see him again. Also, I didn't go just to see him <--- disclaimer.

PPSSS- Stop comparing Ledger to Nicholson, they were two completely different Jokers and it's like comparing blue nail polish and pink nail polish. It's ridiculous, leave it alone and enjoy the movies!