Now, I know what you're thinking: "Isn't teenage pregnancy rising because of the abstinence movement? Because schools are now refusing to teach teens how to properly put condoms on, and tell girls where birth control can be easily accessed?"
OF COURSE NOT! How can you be so stupid? It's because women are tempting men with their evil breasts. All women should just leave their dumb boobs at home. In fact, why are they out and about, and not making sandwiches in the kitchen? (Because boobs are making them do it, duh.)
Now, I go on my little rant about the evils of boobies because of the hot new toy stirring up controversy.
Baby Glutton comes with a halter top that has daisies in the boob area. When Baby Glutton is placed next to the daisies, it makes a sucking noise, imitating the act of breastfeeding. It's the hot new toy and I'm pretty sure it originates in Mexico... of course! Who else would make such a vile toy? How dare these Mexicans teach our children that breasts are for something other than tempting men to have sex with you? How dare you try and tell me that it's OK to teach little kids about the completely unnatural act of breastfeeding!
Luckily, Fox News is right alongside me on this one.
What did we learn today? Well, we learned that breasts are good for nothing except giving men something nice to look at. It's not like multiple studies show the benefit of breastfeeding or anything. Forget about keeping your child healthy; breasts are only for sexual pleasure (of men, of course) and have absolutely no important biological function.
This is why I should be President.
-BJ
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